So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
