Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
