i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
