i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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