I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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