At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
