I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
