Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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