I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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