Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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