Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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