Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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