im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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