im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
