Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
