you're like a bully in the Christmas story
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
