I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
