her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
