You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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