This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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