everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
