So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
