I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
