i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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