Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
