I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
