why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
