32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
