I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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