I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
