he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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