Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Small penises have feelings too.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
