I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize