You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
