I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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