So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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