Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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