sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize