she smelled like a LAN party
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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