I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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