Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
