Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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