Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
