I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How naked do you want me to be?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
