Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
