I'm going to jail i love you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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