i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
