Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
