Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
These tits shall not be calmed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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