No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
