ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
