Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
