pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I skipped work to stalk him.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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