This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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