OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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