My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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