its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize