I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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