Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
