I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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