I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
