It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
