i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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