Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's blow job season.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
