Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
