Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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